After recently doing some virtual judging, I started thinking about how much the world has changed over the decades I’ve been riding. Now that everyone has video on their phones, a lot of riders video and post their rides on social media and some even post their written test sheets with their scores.

Whether it’s a good or bad thing, this all of a sudden makes us a lot more exposed. Personally, I rarely post a video of myself riding because when I watch myself ride all I see are the negatives. If my students choose to post videos from our lessons, I ask them do so without audio—not because I don’t believe in what I’m talking about, but because we say things to our students specific to a moment and those things can easily be taken out of context.

I’ll give you a quick example. I was teaching a student on someone else’s horse and the owner happened to be watching that day. It was kind of intimidating and after the lesson I asked her if there was anything I said that she disagreed with. She noted that it was a good lesson except for the fact that I told my student to pull her elbows back behind her.

I went on to explain that of course you would not instruct most riders to do this, but this particular student tended to ride with her elbows so far out in front of her, the only way I’d successfully been able to get her elbows even close to her body, was to advise her to bring them back behind her. The lesson had gone online and people were saying, “Wow! Aviva is telling people to ride with their elbows back.”

A Moment in Time Is Not the Full Picture

I think most of us go ride and aim to do the best we can, but we all have off days when we don’t ride our best. I don’t believe anyone wakes up in the morning and plans to yank their horses in the mouth or jab them with their spurs and ride as poorly as possible to make them miserable.

When we don’t ride our best, it’s a moment in time and likely is due to lack of knowledge or experience or it was simply a bad moment. Who hasn’t lost their balance or made a position mistake before? That’s how you learn. So, I think this might be an opportunity to show one another a little more grace.

I’ve also noticed when critiquing my lessons on social media, people complain that I talked a lot about a student’s core or leg position but I never mentioned how busy her hands were. My response—as well as my own trainer’s—is that you can only address so many things at once. After four or five things, it’s hard to multitask. So, I address the four most important issues a rider is struggling with. The learning process is based on a lot of small building blocks over time.

In this example, I could talk about hands until I’m blue in the face, but if a rider doesn’t have a seat, she doesn’t have hands. So, first we need to address why they don’t have strong seat. Maybe they’re stiff because they have desk job or a previous injury or some degree of fear is making them hesitant.

When I teach people how to sit the trot, for instance, I advise them not to brace against the movement. Instead, I tell them to allow their hips to move from side to side. Visualize dropping a bowling ball onto a trampoline; it’s going to bounce and go boom, boom, boom … . Now, think about dropping that bowling ball on a mattress; it goes splat. In riding, your horse is the bowling ball and your goal is to be the mattress.

Find Grace In Your Journey

We’re constantly told to be quiet as riders and to stop moving. But watch the great riders—they’re moving, but they’re moving in perfect conjunction with their horses. They are soft and strong enough at the same time to move with the horses.

I think it’s so important to give people grace and understand that every single one of us is on a journey, and most of us are not gifted or naturally talented at dressage. But we’re not trying to hurt our horses. We’re trying to get better. So, let’s focus on being a little kinder and kudos to those of you who aren’t perfect and are brave enough to post about your progress.

For More:

• To listen to our recent Dressage Today Podcast, where Aviva and Stephany Fish Crossman discuss the negative impacts of social-media “critiquing” and take a deep dive into dressage bits with custom bit maker Beth Haist, click here.
• For more training tips and advice from Aviva Nebesky, click here.

About Aviva Nebesky

Aviva Nebesky started riding in her 30s, but horses rapidly took over her life and she went on to graduate with distinction from the USDF “L” Program. She actively trains and competes in dressage while maintaining a busy teaching and judging schedule throughout the mid-Atlantic. She has her USDF Bronze Medal and the Fourth Level scores towards her Silver and has competed internationally representing the USA at the Maccabi Games in Israel in 2022.

Aviva regularly works with eventers, working equitation riders, Western Dressage riders and traditional dressage riders and also cohosts the Dressage Today Podcast with Stephany Fish Crossman. With a master’s degree in social services and Social Research and decades of work in the field of physical rehab, Aviva specializes in working with adult amateurs with fear issues.